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Monday, March 11, 2013

Book Blog: The Girl of Fire and Thorns

Rating: 1 Star
Whenever I start a review, I like to draw attention to the front and back cover. From a distance, I thought the cover was absolutely gorgeous. The title was nice and big for me to read easily, and there was some kind of sparkly thing underneath it. But looking closer, I realized that the sparkly thing was a jewel with a face on it. And then the cover didn't looks to beautiful.

Then, I looked at the quotes. There was one by Tamora Pierce, Veronica Roth, and Cinda Williams Chima, all authors that I respect very much. Because of this I thought, "Why not? They liked the book, so it must be good."

Boy, was I wrong.

The book begins with a girl named Elisa and her throwing a fit about how fat she is and how her sister hates her, boo hoo hoo.

"'I am a sausage,' I gasp."

But, alright. Elisa's fat. So what? It's not like she's overeating right?

"When he sees me, the kitchen master grins beneath a flour-dusted mustache and shoves a plate at me. The pastry on it is flaky and golden, dusted with ground pistachios and glazed with honey. My mouth waters. I tell him I need two."

...I guess I'm wrong again. She's grief eating. Even the kitchen master knows it! How else would he know to give her food every time she goes into the kitchen? You'd think that if she's going to have such a cow about being fat, she'd at least stop stuffing herself when she gets mopey. Elisa is  defiantly NOT an admirable person and not relatable AT ALL. It would have been different if she was trying to drop some of the weight, but I guess she's not that kind of person.

But I guess the author wanted her to be skinny, so she had her walk through the desert and TA DA! she's skinny. And it isn't until she looses the fat when people start thinking she's attractive. Like Alejandro!

 "His eyes travel the length of my body from my feet to my head, lingering on my chest."

What's the message that I get there? You're not attractive until your skinny? He never looked at her like that before!

Stupidity is a huge part of this book. Elisa can't suck it up and pee in her pants, so she leaves her hiding spot only to be caught by the enemy! And when she escapes she has no idea where she's going and stupidly soaks her clothes. The only way she survived was because of a stone in her belly button that tickled her tummy when she was going the right way. So much for being heroic.

Speaking of being heroic, the author tries to convince the reader that Elisa is a hero by having other characters telling her so.

"'It will be a great boon to the people of Joya to know that their queen is not only the bearer, but a legendary hero in her own right.'"

I'm not buying it. Sorry. The fight scenes are way to short and way too convenient for the characters. I find it very hard to believe that Elisa is swift enough to grab the knife out of the conde's boots and threaten him with it. I also can't believe that the conde was stupid enough to let her get that close. And it's very, very convenient that Lord Hecotr just so happens to walk in right in time to help Elisa.

Whenever I conclude a book review, I usually tell you to try out the book if you want. But not this time. I think this book was awful. DO NOT READ IT!!!

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